CHANGING FROM INTROVERT TO EXTROVERT. Episode Two

Having recognized the traits of Introversion and Extroversion (METHOD ONE) from the first episode, we will now look at the practical steps to discovering the more extrovert or less introvert versions of ourselves.

Read "CHANGING FROM INTROVERT TO EXTROVERT. Episode One

METHOD TWO:

Getting Outside Your Comfort Zone

Find your optimal anxiety. 

Psychologists say that there is a zone of “optimal anxiety” (also known as “productive discomfort”) that is just outside your comfort zone. The theory behind optimal anxiety is that the presence of limited anxiety actually increases your productivity.  

• For example, many people do very well when they begin a new job. Because the new job is somewhat uncomfortable for them, they put in extra attentiveness and devotion to prove to themselves and their new boss that they can do the job.

• Finding your zone of optimal anxiety can be tricky; it involves self-monitoring to find the point at which the anxiety overwhelms the productivity.

• An example of stepping outside of your zone of optimal anxiety would be starting a new job without the training or qualifications required to do the job effectively. In this case, the anxiety about not performing effectively would likely overwhelm any potential for productivity.

Push yourself a little bit. 

• Pushing yourself a little bit past your comfort zone can help you learn new things and accomplish things you hadn’t thought possible. Becoming comfortable with getting outside your comfort zone will help you embrace your more extroverted traits, such as enjoying novelty.

• Don’t push yourself too far, though -- and take your time. Too much extension past your comfort zone creates more anxiety than is helpful, and your performance will plummet.

Get comfortable with challenging yourself. 

Set yourself a challenge to try one new thing per week (or whatever level works for you) so that you’re regularly committed to change. One of the benefits of pushing yourself just past your comfort zone is that you will become accustomed to the optimal anxiety that creates. As you teach your brain to embrace novelty, trying new things will become less uncomfortable.

• Acknowledge that you may be uncomfortable with these challenges, especially at first. The point is not to immediately feel great about trying things that may be new to you. The point is to acknowledge to yourself that you’re up to learn new things.

Do something spontaneous.

One trait of extroverts is that they love new experiences and adventure. Introverts, on the other hand, like to plan and think through every detail before taking action. Push yourself to let go of strictly managing your time and plans.

• This doesn’t mean you should drop everything and take a spontaneous, unplanned vacation to Thailand (unless you want to). As with everything else, start small and familiarize yourself with small spontaneous actions.

• For example, swing by a coworker’s cubicle and ask if he/she wants to get lunch with you that day. Take your romantic partner out for dinner and a movie without planning where you will go or what you’ll see. Small actions like these will help you get more comfortable with spontaneity in safe, rewarding situations.

Plan ahead for group interactions.

When you know that you will be in public or leading an activity or a meeting, or when you will be in a large group of people, prepare and organize your thoughts. This will reduce anxiety and stress.

Flex your social skills. 

A common myth is that extroverts are “better” at socializing with others than introverts. This isn’t really true. However, others may initially perceive extroversion as more positive because extroverts tend to seek out interactions with others. Challenge yourself to seek out at least one interaction in the next social situation you are in.

• Speak to one person at a party. It may seem overwhelming to try to “work the room” like a strong extrovert might. Instead, plan to speak to one person. Introduce yourself by saying something like, “I don’t think we’ve met, I’m…...”

• Look for the other “wallflowers.” They may be introverted, or they may just be shy. Saying hi to them may be the beginning of a great friendship, but you won’t know until you try.

• Embrace your vulnerability. If you’re uncomfortable approaching strangers, start off with that! Making a humorous comment about your nervousness -- e.g., “I never know how to break the ice at these things” -- can help defuse tension and encourage the other person to engage with you.

• Plan a few pieces of “chat”. Introverts generally like to plan ahead, so prepare a few conversation-starters for the next time you’re out. These don’t have to be corny or creepy. Try open-ended questions that require more than a yes or no answer. For example, “Tell me about what you do” or “What is your favorite thing to do around here?” People enjoy talking about themselves, and open-ended questions invite them to engage with you.

Find the right social situations for you. 

If one of your goals is to make new friends, you’ll need to find ways to do that. There is no rule that says you have to go to nightclubs or bars or any other place unless you want to. Extroverts don’t all have a special clubhouse where they hang out. (In fact, some extroverts are shy!) Consciously consider the types of people you’d want to have as friends. Then, look for social situations where you might encounter them -- or create your own.

• Invite a few friends to a small get-together at your house. Invite each friend to bring a friend of theirs, preferably one you haven’t met before. This way, you’ll meet new people in a comfortable setting with people you already know.

• Expand online relationships and socializing into face-to-face socializing. If you use forums, for example, you could focus on local ones and search for opportunities to meet up offline. You won’t be meeting people who feel like total strangers that way.

• Remember, strong introverts are often easily overstimulated. You won’t be able to get to know people if you’re also fighting a variety of distracting stimuli. Choose places and situations that are comfortable (or just slightly uncomfortable). You’re more likely to socialize when you feel comfortable.

You could also, as a practical step to extroversion;

• Join a workout class. 
• Join or start a book club. 
• Take an acting class. 
• Join a musical group. 

Allow yourself down time. 

After you’ve pushed yourself to embrace a social situation, be sure to give yourself some quiet time to mentally and emotionally recover. As an introvert, you need “down time” in order to feel refreshed and ready to socialize again.