HOW TO BE TOLERANT TO PEOPLE'S OPINIONS

It can be difficult to tolerate other people's opinions, especially about sensitive subjects you have strong feelings about. However, everyone has to deal with people they disagree with at times.

Work on changing your mindset. If you're comfortable with yourself, you'll be less sensitive about other people disagreeing with you. If you run into conflicts, approach them in a calm fashion. Some subjects, however, should be avoided at times. Very sensitive topics may be so personal that differences of opinion can cause tension.

PART ONE OF THREE:

CHANGING YOUR MINDSET

Form your own opinions. 

The more comfortable you feel with yourself and your opinions, the less defensive you will feel. Oftentimes, people have trouble tolerating opinions that threaten their worldview. Being more comfortable with yourself, and how you see the world, can lead to more positive interactions with people different than you.

• Really consider your opinions on a variety of issues. Do some research using reputable sources rather than relying on reflex responses you have. You can, for example, read a number news stories and editorials that present both sides of a topical issue before deciding how you feel. It is a good idea to learn about both sides of an issue to make sure you are well-informed

• It's okay not to have opinions on certain topics, or to be drawn in two directions. Do not feel like you have to be opinionated. If you're not sure, try to accept this. For example, many people are torn on the issue of abortion. If you are not sure how you feel about this issue, you can say something like, "I honestly don't know my opinion. Sorry."

• Try to remember that your attitude towards yourself defines your attitude towards the world. If you feel well informed and confident, you'll be less likely to be threatened by other people's opinions and input.

Do not personalize someone else's opinion. 

Sometimes, it can be difficult to separate how someone feels about an issue from how they feel about you. People disagree about hot button issues all the time, such as religion and politics. However, for most people, disagreements are about the issue. They are not a personal slight or attack against another person.

• Think about things you have strong opinions on. For example, maybe you're very in favor of free education at all levels. Do you have friends or relatives who have a different opinion? How do you feel about them? For example, your cousin may feel education should be commercialized.

• Chances are; you don't harbor any negative opinions about people who disagree with your perspective. Therefore, it's safe to reason those who disagree with you do not judge you as a person based on your opinion. For example, do you judge your cousin for their opinion on education? Probably not, and your cousin probably does not judge you either.

• It's easier to be tolerant of opinions if you're able to see them objectively. This will help be able to disagree with people but tolerate these disagreements.

• Remember that everyone is an individual who is entitled to their opinions and beliefs. Even if they differ from your opinions and beliefs, it is still important to respect that other people have different perspectives than you do.

Check your expectations:

Oftentimes, difficulty to tolerate other people's opinions is a reflection of unreasonable expectations. Do you expect everyone to get along all the time? Do you expect people to agree with you most of the time? If so, your expectations may not be realistic.

• Not everyone agrees on everything. Even best friends and married couples have places where their views differ. If you're surrounded by people with similar views to yours most of the time, you may sometimes accidentally assume people agree with you. However, even likeminded people do not always agree.

Remember the Golden Rule. 

How would you feel if you expressed an opinion and someone judged you? This would probably make you feel hurt. Try to follow the Golden Rule and treat others the way you wish to be treated. Just as you wouldn't want to feel judged or attacked for an opinion, DO NOT JUDGE OR ATTACK OTHERS.

• Remember, people are different from their opinions. While someone may disagree on an issue that's of personal importance to you, try to pause and think about that person's perspective. Maybe they had unique experiences that formed how they feel, which may be different than your own.

• Whenever you feel intolerant to another person's opinion, pause and reflect on the Golden Rule. Just as you would expect someone to consider your perspective without judging you, extend this same courtesy to someone else.

PART TWO OF THREE:

MANAGING DISAGREEMENTS:

Change the subject. 

In some situations, changing the subject may be the best way to deal with a disagreement about a sensitive topic. You would especially want to use this strategy when dealing with a disagreement in the workplace, but you can use it in any situation.

• For example, if a coworker brings up partisan politics and you disagree with their point of view, then you could change the subject by saying, “Yeah, that’s tough. Hey, do you know what time the Champions League final kicks off? I am not going to miss it for anything!”

• If the person persists after you have tried to change the subject, then you can kindly say something like, “I am not comfortable talking about this subject. Can we talk about something else?”

Look for common ground. 

Most people have some common ground with one another. Even someone who's vastly different from you may share certain core values. When dealing with disagreements, try to find a place where you can both agree. This can help you figure out how to smooth things over and talk out your differences in a calm, mature fashion.

• For example, you and a friend disagree about abortion. Try to find some common ground.

• While you do not agree on the moral issues surrounding abortion, think about shared values. Maybe you both agree women need access to healthcare to help carry a baby to term. Maybe you both feel people should have access to contraception to prevent unwanted pregnancies. Try to bring these issues up to find places where you agree fundamentally about supporting women and children.

Avoid negative body language. 

When you're talking out a major disagreement, negative body language may accidentally slip in. If things get heated, you may do things like roll your eyes, sigh, or cross your arms. Negative body language will only make the other person feel hurt and frustrated. Be aware of what your body is doing and try to use attentive, respectful body language.

• Try to maintain eye contact when speaking and listening to show you're paying attention. Keep your facial expression relaxed as well. Aim for a neutral, relaxed facial expression. Nodding is also a good way to indicate your attention.

• Sit facing the person and try to avoid having obstacles between you. Sit in a reasonably close proximity to the person for talking, such as next to them on a sofa or across from them at a table. You can also lean in to indicate your interest.

• Maintain good posture. Don't cross your arms because this can make you seem like you are resistant to or rejecting what the other person says.

Stay calm and objective. 

It can be hard not to personalize something. Oftentimes, when talking over disagreements, you have the urge to win an argument. Try to stay calm and look at the situation objectively. No one is trying to win. You are trying to better understand someone else's perspective.

• Remind yourself someone's opinion is not personal. Try to focus on the objective facts. How and why do you feel strongly about this and how does it affect you? This is what you're trying to convey.

• Focus on facts not feelings. For example, don't say, "It's hurtful that you don't believe in providing contraception because I rely on it." Instead, say something like, "A lot of women, myself included, do rely on contraception. That's why it's so important to me."

• Try to remember an emotional reaction will not help you gain insight and understanding of someone else's perspective. Even when you strongly disagree, respect the person enough to remain calm.

Listen. You should always listen to someone else's side. 

Do not interrupt when someone else is talking. Ask that they not interrupt when you take your turn. Truly listen to what another person says and try to understand where they're coming from while you're listening.

• You can also try briefly paraphrase what someone is saying to make sure you understand. For example, "So, you feel that the government is not be responsible for paying for school fees for the citizens?"

• Remember, listening to someone else does not take away from your own opinion. It is productive to understand the opinions of others. If you understand why people feel the way they do, you will find it easier to tolerate others opinions.

PART THREE OF THREE:

LEARNING WHAT TOPICS TO AVOID:

Limit conversations about sensitive political issues. 

In certain places, you may want to avoid politics altogether. If you're going to a family dinner where you know you disagree with others, for example, try not to bring up heated political issues. Talk about what's going on with family members instead and leave politics out of the discussion.

• However, while you can try to avoid a topic like politics, remember it's okay to plainly say that you don’t want to discuss it. You can do so in a tactful way, and then change the subject if things get heated.

• For example, say something like, "I don't wish to talk about this topic at this time."

Refrain from discussing religion at times. 

Religion is another sensitive issue. At professional settings, or even family events, it's often best not to bring it up. Try to steer the conversation away from topics regarding religion, especially current events. These issues are deeply personal and people may have trouble not taking opinions as a personal slight.

• However, close friends and family members may disagree with you. You also may disagree with your spouse on topics like religion. You should discuss major issues with those you are close to, but remember you may not always agree.

• It may be important for close friends and family members to know your opinion, especially if the issue may come up. Try to avoid the topic with anyone who you do not think will be tolerant of your views.